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Rambling of a young dharma bum
I went mad in a very mellow way
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28th-Sep-2010 06:36 pm(no subject)

This is my third I'm back post and realize this. I am very sorry. However considering I am now in college and my schedule seems to have left me with large amounts of 30 minute time blocks in which to hog computers in the lab I think I will be updating more often. Technically I should be proofreading a paper on Ingres and talking to a teacher about handing in work that's a week late due to migraines but that can wait 45 minutes...Plus I became addicted to tumblr and twitter...damn social networking sites always hook me...(feel free to follow me on either one also)

So I am officially a student at uwm. Should be at KCAI but I'm not and oh well. My migraines have been getting progessively worse leaving me blinded a lot but there's not much I can do about that.

The only good thing in my life right now is that uwm is within walking distance to a 5 guys and a sex toy store. I know what I'll be doing with my time. (5 guys is a burger joint. I do have 5 gentlemen who will have sex with me within walking distance...I had to come back in and edit this correction in because it took me a minute to realize what I said.)

These are the basic updates with me:

Despite the somewhat short and speedy feel of this posting I am actually happy bipolar wise. That is no longer causing trouble.

My hair is purple. I'm not sure why I deicded to do this considering how badly I need a job but it makes me feel pretty.

I have switched from mountian dew back to diet dr pepper.

I have gone from 75% lesbian back to 45% to 50%. I still consider myself pansexual of course but I am now have wierd feeling relating to wanting to own a baby...They told me this would happen but I always thought "not me"...how wrong I was. I am not pleased with this new development and am keeping it a secret from the majority of irl people....

I recently inherited the family heirloom ring that was given to my great great grandmother from an old cowboy who was near death and wanted a pretty woman to have his ring on her finger. This is awesome.

I like college but considering I had my wisdom teeth removed and then a batch of migraines I am dreadfully behind.

I have developed a healthy obsession in John Waters and other equally unhealthy things.

My parents keep borrowing money from me...I am near broke because of them. Shouldn't it be the other way around?


25th-Jun-2010 09:05 pm(no subject)

I've been trying to find all my old photos and move them into my new laptop but it's not working! Grrr.

 Everything that has happened over the past couple months is soo complicated and there's been no time to relax so I'm just gonna let it go. Recounting everything while I'm in a post depression haze would be impossible.

Basic updates
I am still looking for a job and have failed to track down the owners of the last business i worked for which is now defunct so I can get proof I do have experiance. This has made finding a job difficult.

I stopped taking meds for awhile to see I would do (I went through the proper channels I didn't randomly make the decision) and it was...an eyeopener. I will not be without them. I function but not very well.

For awhile the entire family only had one car. We are back up to 2 and I will get my liscense. I keep saying that but I haven't. Half of me is putting myslef down for that while the other half is listing off 7 different people older then me without a liscense and/or car and I'll be fine. The first half is winning.

I have Skype and it is awesome despite the fact no one else has it.

I am a Gleek. Major Gleek. I squeled when I saw the video of Chris Colfer being a ninja on BBC TV.

I recently discovered the youtube phenomonon "Tonetta". He is awesome.

I had my first Pridefest! There was major drama involving my friend's girlfriend breaking up with and then dating her other bestfriend 3 days later and I had to leave early but it was still ok.

I have graduated highschool.

I turn 19 in less than 2 weeks.

There's some more stuff involving relationships and things but I'll let it go til later:)


14th-Jun-2010 10:37 pm - Sooo...
I'm back guys.

Basically I was severely depressed and then super busy and then depressed again. But I'm...well I'm not going to say better but I'm less bad. Not really sure how to sum up what happened yet considereding there wasn't any one major incident but that just goes with being Bipolar. But I'll figure it out. It hasn't been all bad though! Had my first Pridefest yesterday and that was awesome despite some major drama. I'll post some majoe updates soon:)
So after much fiddling I am able to post something. I gave up on commenting so to all the freinds Hi. Livejournal has not been working well for me but I'll type anyway and hope this posts.

This Christmas I left for Houston with my family. It was a good christmas all in all but my grandparents weren't doing well. They are getting better though but...it was obvious they aren't doing well. I've been in the midst of a depression for the last couple months which I'm kind've now realizing. I tend cycle from day to day so its hard to see how I am on occasion. Thinking about how much I couldn't seem to do thing in time and how much I have left to do in 2 weeks has left me feeling a little lost. So all in all the christmas vacation was not the typical christmas vacation. I found myself a little on the outside observing everyone more than partaking. I wasn't left out but I find I'm at odds with catholic conservative family and connecting is not something easily done. I kept trying to focus on other people but I was constantly reminded of what was going on in my life.
My brother kept making jabs toward the end of the trip about how I was a failure which I couldn't stop thinking about. In some ways he's right. I'm 18. I have Bipolar Disorder and can barely function some of the time, have no driver licsence, can't even spell liscence, can't find a job, can't be in relationships, and havent even begun applying for colleges. I just don't see why he had to do that during christmas break. He wouldn't stop talking about his new car, his job and his college. Of course it's a 2nd hand truck, a job at a grovery store and st.thomas in Houston TX so it's not like Harvard but it's more then I have. However he has the family on his side since he is also a catholic conservative. He might be an asshole but he's doing better then I am.  I just can't be around him for more then 2 days without himstarting to insult me and then I retaliate and act like an asshole too. I hate myself when I act like that. I just need to stay away from him but he's family so it's hard to avoid him. I'm back now though. The only good thing about milwaukee is that he's not here anymore. I know it's horrible to talk that way about my brother and I love him but everyone is just crazy about him so if I stand up for myself I'm the evil one. I'm stuck in a place where I have to put up with his...meanness I gues is the right word as immature as it sounds.
Excpet for my brother it was pretty good trip. All my grandparents are doing better/well and everyone seems happy. Got a lot of nice presents too:) 
Christmas day for me was actually really good and I hope everyone else had a great one too!
19th-Dec-2009 11:32 pm - hello again
So exams are over, art stuff is over for now and I am officially on christmas break. Sadly that mean the tiny problems I've been using to hide from the big one's are gone but not much I can do about that. I have begun volunteering at a womens shelter lately which isn't exactly fun but I'm glad I chose a volunteer job I actually care about and I do enjoy it. It's sad sometimes though.  A lot of the women have children and one boy was miming throwing a ball and I flinched and he said "it's ok. I flinch too". I found that heart breaking. However I don't want this to be a bummer post like most of my others. I feel it's important to keep in mind the people who probably aren't having great holidays right now though. However I will end this on happy note. On the bright side... It's christmas/gifty/family based/time off from work holiday! As always a shout out to the pagans for starting the best parts of it like presents and fancy trees. As I will be leaving for Houston on tuesday I'm not sure that I'll get to update so I'm doing it now...although now that I've prepared I'll probably have plenty of time to update...oh well. I'm hoping to get an ipod this year. Yay for still being young enough to expect awesome presents from one's parents!!!
12th-Dec-2009 06:39 pm(no subject)
It's official I am depressed. I just spent an hour on lame facebook games and thought about old relationships....well...old incredibly complicated pseudo-relationships based on manic episodes on my part and some from of pill/plant not supposed to be ingested. Considering I've been forgetting my meds constantly it's probably my fault...

I have to go do art and write an artists statement...the first one is easy but the 2nd is terrible.
22nd-Nov-2009 03:42 pm - Emma Goldman
I love her. I disagree with her on some points but even then I can't remember what they are so they are probably minor. Everyone should read everyone of her books for she had ovaries of steel.
21st-Nov-2009 10:21 pm - hmmm...how interesting..
S.A.G.E. Test Results

Your Raw Score is: 510, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous

Your appearance is Feminine

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.

You appear to socialize in a feminine manner.

You believe you have normal doubts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Female.

Female to Male Crossdresser

Your Answers indicate your psychological state has likely prevailed since you were quite young.
You are in a statistical minority as a bisexual crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the binary nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.

yeah I've been gone awhile. What with young arts and scholastics I'm swamped. Damn art. Plus all the money stuff is driving me crazier.

Now back to watching Hercules: the Legendary Journeys and replying to emails and reading my neglected freinds page...ah to actually have time to relax.

9th-Nov-2009 08:29 pm - oh no!!! I'm such a lame person

My dog jumped on the couch and I told her to get off but I scared her and she fell and smacked her head on the coffee table. I feel so bad. I put her in a chair with her favorite pillow and an extra treat. She looks happy and fine but my hear skipped a beat when I heard that thud. She got up just fine and she's totally fine but I paniced. I feel kind've lame for freaking out this much though.

Not the greatest but a picture of my dog:)Collapse )
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